Dad, I got into Cornell

Dad, I got into Cornell. Now I can finally pay $80,000 a year to study the things I can learn on the Internet for free. I lack the willpower to study on my own, so going to a university is definitely the right choice. I hope you have enough cash because I’ll also ask you to pay for my flight tickets and overpriced meals at all-you-can-eat cafeterias. I won’t forget to learn how to mingle with other privileged kids. You see that? The world is burning. I’ll fight back against professors, representatives, and statues. Don’t worry though. For the next four years, I’ll be safe inside this community. Wait for me. I’ll be back with a degree that will increase my starting salary by more than 50%.

Son, I’m so proud of you. Now I can finally tell everyone in my group chat that my boy got into an Ivy League school. I kind of wish it was Yale, but I’ll make it sound like you chose Cornell over other schools. A few days ago, I calculated the money I spent on your education. Private tutoring, boarding school, fitness training, and college application consulting amount to more than a million dollars. Can you believe that? If I had put this money into the S&P 500, I would have been a hundred times happier. But I had to make sure you get a bragging right whenever you talk about your alma mater. You don’t seem to understand how much I’ve sacrificed for this moment. You’ll thank me later. Go change the world.